Starting to like me

Well, unexpectedly my host family is starting to like me more and more esp. since I've been doing the dishes, cleaning, and cooking like before but more. But what am'I going to say if they change their mind and want me to stay instead well I'm going to say HELL NO. After all the stress they put me through, I'm not coming back when I step out of that door I step out for good! I will not have someone like that walk over me and think they can get away with it. As a matter of fact, they might help me move in but I'm going to say no to that too because I'd rather do it by my god damn self instead of fake ass bitches helping me do it! I'm a strong woman and I'd rather live by myself then people that didn't like me before! As much as I want to improve japanese with a host family, host family or not I'll improve all by myself! Besides I don't ever want to see them or come across them and if I do I'm going to keep it moving and pretend I don't know them! So for you that's saying I'm being mean oh please shut up because they put me through hell with their backstabbing and kicking me out within' 2 weeks of getting here! For the first time in my life, I actually don't feel bad for wanting to leave somone and not come back. I feel strong and it's going to be kept that way! Anyways I'm out peace!

My Solution

My situation has well I guess my situation made me work harder in japanese because I know for sure that pretty soon I won't be able to have it easy. What I mean by this is that I won't be able to come home to a family and practice my japanese. This means I really have to depend on myself and work really hard to achieve. So far, I have been doing this. I've been changing everything on computer to japanese, looking at clubs to participate at my school, offering students help with english in exchange for japanese, taking advantage of cheap japanese lessons, watching japanese shows, and and listening to the music. Overall, this move made me realize that it really is up to me to make this happen so I've been studying much more harder now and really paying attention to everything. I also realize that I don't want to waste a good opportunity that not everyone is fortunate to have in life. Even though, there are some people out there that aren't paitent with international students ( I haven't come across them, but witnessed it in America), I'm pretty sure that there's always someone well a lot of students out there that are paitent and want to build a friendship with them. Thanks again for your support and this bad situation will indeed pass. Other than that, I was very unfortunate esp. being the nice person that I am to have a not so caring host family. I have faith that this will pass too and I will definitely achieve my goal in Japan which is to become fluent in Japanese. I have spoken to my dad on the phone and through e-mails. This has helped a lot though! I'm glad to have family support back home but the stress hasn't been effecting my work in class though so that's exciting!! that's definatly the good part. I'll officially be moving to an all female dorms because well the new family is scared well anyways i gotta bounce so peace

More bad news and I'm soo depressed.. :(

Well, I got the bad news today well the new host family can't have me due to the fact that the father apparently is scared to have me. Well, I tend to sleepwalk but this RARELY happens it doesnt happen a lot it happens once in a blue moon. So that scared my new host dad so basically I'll have to live in an all female dorm. I'm so depressed right now. I'm living in a home where my family is counting down the days until I move out. I'm living with fake people and apparently I'm not wanted. Wow, I feel so mad and depressed right now... when the coordinator told me this he had the audicity to ask "When does your host family want you to move?!" and I replied "As soon as possible" and he was shocked but hey it's the truth he's trying to be positive but I don't feel the need to be positive. I wish the family would of told me directly instead of behind my back. I'm so lost and depressed right now that I'm reveling at the idea of going out, and trying a few drinks to make this pain go away. Sophie told me it'll make me stronger but right now I feel weak. Well, anyways I'm glad I'm moving away besides eating dinner at around 11:00 pm is not healthy anyways. Now, I miss being around those that actually geniunely like me and not faking it. I need a hug and a drink well a smoothie hahha.. off to going out peace

Moving and changing host family...

Today, I officially found out that I am changing host family due to the fact that my host family no longer wants me. I feel very sad and betrayed right now. The reason being is that my host mom is a house cleaner and she comes home late like really really late at night like at 11:00 pm or something midnight and she's stressed because she won't be able to cook me dinner early or at the proper time. I really don't mind but I guess that her schedule doesn't mix with mine or something and plus the sleepwalking kind of scared her too. But I will be moving to Shukugawa on the 16th of Sept. I will be living in a house with a 20 something sister and a host mom that can actually bake. I'm pretty sad knowing that I have to come to a home that doesn't want me... oii and I even made them spaghetti. I thought I was pretty nice, but oh well... this sucks. I guess they feel that I would be better off enough with a family that can cook me dinner early but it does suck because I knew my route to and from school to home and I thought I was getting close. Oh well, right now I prefer to move right now because I don't want to be in a house that I'm not wanted in... :( Other than that, I'm pretty sad and stressed out due to adjusting to japanese culture and moving again... oh well I won't live in a apartment with a small room. The move might be better for me but I wish it was sooner... well anyways I'm out peace!

heey

Hey sup, yall' well anyways tommorow I have school tommorow booo!! I mean come on who has school on a saturday yuck!! But for better news I'll be cooking for my host family tommorow and the meal will be spaghetti. I will definatly be taking pics. of that! Other than that I got my some mcdonalds and wooo weee they have this snack called shaka shaka and basically you have 3 types of spices you want hot chili, black pepper, and melon.... then u put it in the bag with the chicken and u shake it all up!! Cool huh well that ish was soo good it's 120 yen and it's soo good yum yum!! I'm soo addicted to it that's gonna be my daily snack on the real though! But other than that I hope in my blogs that I don't come across as glorifying Japan which I'm NOT <-- notice the word not I'm just pointing out the goods and the bads about Japan that's all so yes I'm honest and what... but yea I'm slowly but surely making a little more japanese friends esp. meeting the off the street!! They're soo friendly esp. the guys the guys are very very friendly yah dig!! But other than that, I'm planning on using lang-8 alot! I still miss taco bell like crazy but oh well hahha well anyways peace!

not lost anymore

Heey sup yall' I'm back still black and with more more pics!! Other than that, I haven't been getting lost for the past day. That's right I've been pretty good with the mean streets of Japan. Well, my hood which is is in Ashiya. But other than that I've been able to walk to and from school from the Hankyu bus station without getting lost!! I am soo good and bad ass and I'm damn proud of myself! Other than that, I've been in school taking the P-course with a quiz everyday no seriously and it's like annoying... but I'm getting to know my area of Japan a little bit and the language. I'm still anxious to be fluent more than ever but I didn't realize how hard it would be. I'm also having a hard time making friends due to the fact that I'm not fluent at all like talking like a native! In other words, it's getting hard for me to make good japanese friends that are paitent with a foreign student learning their language! Other than that the thing that I'm really impressed about Japan is that single mother's are really really rare. Like I see a 2 parent family and not a single home which is a great thing because I believe that a child can't deal with one without the other without wondering where's my dad or mom. In other words, the dad's really step it and take care of their kids not just financially but also mentally too so I give you props! In America, it's soo sad to see so many single mothers esp. without the care they need! Other than that, the mom's look good like they're 40's but looking like they're in their 20's which is a great thing! I feel like we go backwards with culture a lot of americans in their 20's look like they're in their 40's and the japanese look like their 20's in their 40's. But yeah, another thing I like is that people don't waste their food here when they get a meal they eat up everything! Like nothing is wasted which I think is a great thing!! We can definatly learn a lot from the japanese culture! Another thing I like is the fact that if you're bored or something you can hope off the train to Kyoto or Kobe within' an hour or to Osaka depending on where you live though but that's still a great thing though! I feel that's better than Vegas where you can't really go anywhere except by car and then you have to pay for gas and all this mess. Not only that but the cities are really different too that's the great thing you can always experience something differend for that weekend. I'm thinking of hitting up Kobe up myself pretty soon and maybe Kyoto! Other than that I've been taking lots and lots of pics. and still trying to master this language, but even though it's tough I do plan on moving here though! But besides that the one thing I do miss that they don't have in japan is TACO BELL and their MEXICAN PIZZA omg I would die for that right now. Oh one more thing the thing about the japanese culture is the amount of good cafes and bakeries omg! I love going to the bakeries and the cafes it is awesome I admit it it's addictive. Not only that but the pastries are usually freshly baked too yum yum! They're pretty cheap like $1-3 cheap not bad! Well anyways I will take more pics. So I gotcha well love, soul, and peace!

losing weight

Yeah, with the fact that I've been losing weight like crazy due to being lost... I feel well how can I say kinda hopeless because I really want to be fluent in japanese. I know I'm being anxious and stuff but I really want to start speaking like a native! Other than that, I can't wait till' school starts I'm in the summer session and I'm anxious to meet more japanese students! I didn't realize how tough studying abroad can be. The fact that you want to say a lot but you can't really say a lot and the fact that even though you did take japanese in school it's not the same! Because at the end of the day you're still speaking your native language. Other than that, I'm getting sleepy sorry for the short entry well peace